Time to look at the future

It’s something I’ve thought about a lot recently. Getting my job at amc…that and going to hs have been the 2 biggest accidents of my life…that turned out well. My job at amc has brought me back and reminded me of HS..a lot. It was fun, and I got paid..& the environment….it fit me….then people starting leaving…& it has become less fun. There is going to be no one left that I consider was important at the job…I still have friends…but the main ones have left. D, she was by far the one I liked the most…with her gone..it hasn’t been easy at all for me. I have not been the same. She qww cute, she made work interesting. Mike is my dude..he made work really enjoyable…with him leaving…work will be more dull. And there’s the impending leave of the coolest and prettiest manager I’ve ever known..she kept it real and I respect her. I knew I shouldn’t have gotten too close cause then it affects me worse. It’s one of the reasons I never wanted to be close with my dog…but I’m so close with him and it’ll suck when he’s gone. I think what I’ll do is wait until December…it’ll be based on d, it she returns it’ll be a little better..but if she leaves….it’ll be even more tough: my job that I liked in the beginning…is now starting to be bad.

Madden is once again teaching me life lessons

When I get madden, I really get into it. But, also, I play it and I can apply it to real life. I play madden, I rather rely on the running game, & rely on a blitz heavy defense. As a qb, I like to make simple throws. Problem is, sometimes I make the wrong read..& I throw picks. I have to make better adjustments. Looking back, since I’m finally back in school, I still like my theatre job, but not a much before. People are always leaving, always. When I first started, I liked it right away. The managers were great and he supervisors were great and the coworkers were great. Only 1 manager that came later on, that made me really like her(that one manager is hot, but she’s also so damn cool, and I trust her) but, then people started leaving, or getting fired, or going to school. I think one of my favorite managers…ever is leaving soon I’ll miss her, but I may get a chance to play her in ball. When d left for school, it deflated the hell out of me. She’s the one person I really liked there. Only thing left now is a solid group of fiends that I have established. We close, but I fear that it wot always last, & it’s gonna change. And when the others talk about leaving as well, it makes me think how much longer do I want to stay here? There’s not a whole lot of reasons that makes me want to stay. It’ll be a decision I make in 2015. One thing I’m hoping is..just to see d again. And, I really miss her a lot, a part of me still hopes I’ll get closer to her..& maybe more.

The most bittersweet win

I beat d in basketball, getting the revenge from when she beat me. But, the game wasn’t the most important. It was the fact I wanted to see her and hang with her. The minute I saw her bf…reality started to sink in for me. It hurt that I liked her, a lot, I knew her longer, and the guy just gets with her. He could have gone after others…but he picked her. I had my chances, and blew it again. I tried things with her, to only get rejected. When I was on the sidelines to see d and her bf together, Christine & her bf, mike and his girl, and my sis has a bf. I felt so very alone. As alone, as a person can feel. Oh, and forgot another person has a gf. I’ve been struggling with my feelings the last few days. In my heart, I felt so compelled to tell her I like her, a lot. Walking down the mall, and saying our goodbyes,it felt like time stopped. I didn’t want the moment to end. She was right in front of me, I thought of telling her, but her bf was right there. I hugged her…a long time..& I never wanted to let go…cause I know when I let go…she’s gone. I was gonna text her, how I felt since she was leaving, but before I could she texted me about the basketball game. She congratulated me, and that’s when I just couldn’t tell her I liked her. I once again live with regret. I should have left it all for sak, there was a small window with Steph. There was a chance with d, but now she’s gone…& I’m just alone. D did say we could play again in December. Idk, if that will ever come to fruition. College could change her, and that’s what I’m worried about. I just don’t know how to deal. The guy she’s with, man, I’m bitter about it.

I don’t know what to do

Tomorrow is the last time I’ll see d. She leaves for college Saturday. & I get my basketball rematch….with so many prople coming. The rumors are crazy. I missed she d’s last day at work..cause I had to work the other job. From what I’m told…it was an eventful day for her. A girl got her a minion shirt..& I heard that her bf..well he just was as cool as ever. Meanwhile, I’m here on the sidelines…I look like the loser…and I am….it took a lot out of me. My conscious is telling me….I need to try with her…despite how hopeless the situation looks. Ima miss that girl like crazy. My manager actually saw me and asked how I was. I told her the reason, & calmly told me…she’ll be back. I kinda needed to hear that. I trusty manager a lot, probably the only person I ever worked for, that I truely trust. And she’s pretty. I’m going back and forth in my mind if I should tell her how I feel..or just..idk…

It’s a weird feeling

I know why i liked sak, it felt natural. I know why I liked Steph, it felt natural. With d, it feels odd. I’ve only known her for 9 months. But, I do like her a lot. I have a very huge crush on her. And I guess, because of how I get over girls, I am probably in love with d. I can’t ever admit that part..cause it would freak anyone out. But, when I see her I get happy. She makes me smile. I love her voice, her eyes, her smile, her personality, her frame, everything about her. I wish she was a little taller, & weighed at least 100 lbs. she wore a batman shirt yesterday, she is awesome and cool. I subtly, try to get her attention whenever I get the chance, sometimes it works. It’s odd that when she pushed my arm, I felt so happy. The night ended. I was just talking to her, when I left, I realized she’s all alone and it’s her final week here, I need to talk to her. I walked back upstairs and lied and said I was waiting for my ride(which turned out to be true) we talked, but at first I didn’t wanna talk cause I’m sure she knows I only went back….to see her. It’s odd, the minute I went outside, I knew I should go back and talk to her. I asked when she was leaving, & she told me she leaves Saturday. She asked if I’d miss her again, I said no. She said “we both know the truth.” Implying I would miss her a lot. She ended the night by giving me a high 5.( I wish it were a hug, but I didn’t expect any type of goodbye) I know she probably has a bf, and that she’s going away to college. But, there is just something about her, that makes me willing to take more risks. With sak, I held back, Stephanie also. With d, idk she’s unique. The truth is I am in love with her, but it’s cause I’m obsessed with her. Smh it creeps me out to say that, but it’s true. I liked sak, and everyone knew it. Steph also had that.

On Tuesday, it’s the finale

I learned d is working 3 more days. Tuesday is the rematch, but there is so much going on. It will probably be the last time I see her. Her bf might be there. I have to win to redeem myself. And I’m leaning towards telling her how I feel. A part of me knows I shouldn’t, but I’ve seen what happens when I don’t fully give it my all..Steph and sak. I just, wasn’t fully honest. A part of me is telling me, d is the one where I have to be honest. I’ve known her for 9 months and liked her right away. She is cute, she is really cute. Her personality is great. But, I’ve noticed..she’s a little childish, and kind of weird… & I kind of like that. She showed up yesterday and wow did she look like a nerd..captain America shirt(which I loved) and glasses with her hair tied up. She told me how she has a turtle…(weird) & talked about turtles and llamas..(weird) maybe, I think I like her a lot..cause she kind of reminds me…of myself. I like superheroes a lot recently(not enough to read comics but still) she’s kind of nerdy..(I don’t consider myself nerdy..but I know I have that perception about me) I dunno I’m trying to find the right person. Realistically, I’ll never get the super hot girl. I don’t think I could like the really annoying ones (0-4). So, I think I’m best suited in that 5-7 role. I think I like girls that are open to at least talking to me, not where I have to initiate conversation. I’m best suited playing off a conversation. Honestly, my heart is telling me, I have no shot at all to win her over. There’s too much cirumcstances. But, I want to try, only cause I lost sak, and Steph. & it kinda kills me that I know I didn’t fully express myself. With d, I’m almost willing to be honest. I kind of really want to keep in touch with her..in some way..I don’t want Tuesday to end everything.

1 day

I talked to Steph yesterday, I so nervous that d is leaving tomorrow. I really like her..a lot. & I’m utterly heartbroken she’s leaving. But, at least it’s for school. I talked to Steph, because as much as she annoys me, & as much as I hate her at times, I am still a little heartbroken that she doesn’t like me the way I like her. She does give good advice, & I know…she does really care about me. She just linked me to a picture from “how I met your mother” and just told me…no matter what just go for it, you don’t want to ever wonder “what if”…I like d a lot, she’s so cute. And I’m bothered that sak and Steph never worked out, and I held back myself. Tomorrow, I dunno what I’ll say, do I just say what’s in my heart?

2nd place

It is something that is bothering me a lot. I had my chance with sak, but I lost to another man. I had my chance with Stephanie, I lost to other men. It is something that bothers me a lot. I am over my heartbreak to those 2 girls, but I do think what it would be like if I had been 100% honest, instead of holding back. Rumors are that D has a bf, and while it’s probably true, she is going to college soon, so maybe the relationship can’t last. I was ready to let her go. I can’t….only with what I learned recently. I learned sak is officially pregnant, & she’s keeping it, also Steph had a miscarriage as well, & these 2 were due days apart in march. I see now that…my relationship/friendship with the 2 is over. I’m on my own again. Luckily, I like my supporting cast at work, but wonder what the furrier holds. It has gotten me to think, I blew opportunities with my best friends, and I could have been with either of them. I don’t want to wait anymore. Maybe, I need to just go for it all instead of just settling. D is leaving soon, but I think she’s special. And sadly, it’s not like I’m in uncharted territory. D with a bf is similar to sak & q and Steph and Chris, sonny, or manny. I’ve always failed at this stage…but..now I see what could happen when you don’t try…you miss out on opportunity. What if D becomes a thot..or you know she changes. Win it lose..I think I’ll just tell her how I feel no gimmicks…I’m tired of losing…but also tired of losing people.

I thought heartbreak would be easier

It’s getting harder. I’m sleepy as hell to let the emotions hit me. But, on Tuesday I played with denisse, and it went as great as it possibly could get….& now learned that she has a bf…the guy who I always suspected…and I saw it Wednesday…I thought I had a month….now I’m depressed….

Before anyone ever cared where I would play basketball, I was a kid from Northeast Ohio. It’s where I walked. It’s where I ran. It’s where I cried. It’s where I bled. It holds a special place in my heart. People there have seen me grow up. I sometimes feel like I’m their son. Their passion can be overwhelming. But it drives me. I want to give them hope when I can. I want to inspire them when I can. My relationship with Northeast Ohio is bigger than basketball. I didn’t realize that four years ago. I do now.

Remember when I was sitting up there at the Boys & Girls Club in 2010? I was thinking, This is really tough. I could feel it. I was leaving something I had spent a long time creating. If I had to do it all over again, I’d obviously do things differently, but I’d still have left. Miami, for me, has been almost like college for other kids. These past four years helped raise me into who I am. I became a better player and a better man. I learned from a franchise that had been where I wanted to go. I will always think of Miami as my second home. Without the experiences I had there, I wouldn’t be able to do what I’m doing today.

I went to Miami because of D-Wade and CB. We made sacrifices to keep UD. I loved becoming a big bro to Rio. I believed we could do something magical if we came together. And that’s exactly what we did! The hardest thing to leave is what I built with those guys. I’ve talked to some of them and will talk to others. Nothing will ever change what we accomplished. We are brothers for life.  I also want to thank Micky Arison and Pat Riley for giving me an amazing four years.

I’m doing this essay because I want an opportunity to explain myself uninterrupted. I don’t want anyone thinking: He and Erik Spoelstra didn’t get along. … He and Riles didn’t get along. … The Heat couldn’t put the right team together. That’s absolutely not true.

I’m not having a press conference or a party. After this, it’s time to get to work.

When I left Cleveland, I was on a mission. I was seeking championships, and we won two. But Miami already knew that feeling. Our city hasn’t had that feeling in a long, long, long time. My goal is still to win as many titles as possible, no question. But what’s most important for me is bringing one trophy back to Northeast Ohio.

I always believed that I’d return to Cleveland and finish my career there. I just didn’t know when. After the season, free agency wasn’t even a thought. But I have two boys and my wife, Savannah, is pregnant with a girl. I started thinking about what it would be like to raise my family in my hometown. I looked at other teams, but I wasn’t going to leave Miami for anywhere except Cleveland. The more time passed, the more it felt right. This is what makes me happy.

To make the move I needed the support of my wife and my mom, who can be very tough. The letter from Dan Gilbert, the booing of the Cleveland fans, the jerseys being burned — seeing all that was hard for them. My emotions were more mixed. It was easy to say, “OK, I don’t want to deal with these people ever again.” But then you think about the other side. What if I were a kid who looked up to an athlete, and that athlete made me want to do better in my own life, and then he left? How would I react? I’ve met with Dan, face-to-face, man-to-man. We’ve talked it out. Everybody makes mistakes. I’ve made mistakes as well. Who am I to hold a grudge? 

I’m not promising a championship. I know how hard that is to deliver. We’re not ready right now. No way. Of course, I want to win next year, but I’m realistic. It will be a long process, much longer than it was in 2010. My patience will get tested. I know that. I’m going into a situation with a young team and a new coach. I will be the old head. But I get a thrill out of bringing a group together and helping them reach a place they didn’t know they could go. I see myself as a mentor now and I’m excited to lead some of these talented young guys. I think I can help Kyrie Irving become one of the best point guards in our league. I think I can help elevate Tristan Thompson and Dion Waiters. And I can’t wait to reunite with Anderson Varejao, one of my favorite teammates.

But this is not about the roster or the organization. I feel my calling here goes above basketball. I have a responsibility to lead, in more ways than one, and I take that very seriously. My presence can make a difference in Miami, but I think it can mean more where I’m from. I want kids in Northeast Ohio, like the hundreds of Akron third-graders I sponsor through my foundation, to realize that there’s no better place to grow up. Maybe some of them will come home after college and start a family or open a business. That would make me smile. Our community, which has struggled so much, needs all the talent it can get.

In Northeast Ohio, nothing is given. Everything is earned. You work for what you have.

I’m ready to accept the challenge. I’m coming home. [x]

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